When should mamma bear come out of her den?

I was reading an article written by a mom who had a wonderful conversation with her son about bullying. In the comments after her post (which I have lately taken to reading as to not make up my mind one way or another too quickly) a lady named Lydia called her out and said that she was causing her son to become week and reliant on her by stepping in. That her son would never learn to stand up for himself or be accountable or able to be independent. This is something I struggle with, when do I step in? Seth has not been bullied yet, at least not intentionally, (you know how babies are) but the day will come. I was bullied, you were bullied, we have all been bullied at least once. Luckily for me, I was completely clueless to my awkwardness until 8th grade when a kid I had never talked to walked over to my desk, knocked all my neat piles of books, pencils, papers... on the floor and went back to his desk. Was it a dare? Was he just having a bad day? Did I look at him wrong? I'll never know, but I still feel sad when I remember this incident. Further down in the comments I read this response to Lydia that I loved. It speaks for itself so I'll just quote her and be done.

"I see your point a little, Lydia And I AM a parenting expert PhD and all. It is what I do for a living. But I also see the point foe the author more. Yes, we do need to let/teach our kids to problem solve for themselves. But our kids also need to feel like we are there to help when things get too big for them. And things do get too big for them to handle sometimes.
I think it takes a village and kids need to know that they are accountable and people are watching their behavior. My daughter was being bullied in kindergarten and even got a bloody nose from the girl. I taught her a plethora of strategies to employ. Some worked and some did not. And some were just too hard for her to enact in the moment (she was 5). So, one day I went to have lunch with hr at school. I looked the little bully right in the eye and asked “is everyone being nice to everyone on the playground?” She could not meet my gaze. I said, I sure hope so. Guess what. That did it. We have spent 2 years teaching our sweet, pure-hearted and trusting daughter how to handle bullies but sometimes the bullies are tougher, meaner and more manipulative and our kids will feel abandoned if we don’t then step in. SO it is a balance of not rescuing them constantly. One author says we rescue our kids as though they are drowning in ankle deep water. That is a mistake for sure. But we need to throw them a lifeline when they are in over their heads." -Kim

A Whole New Seth

Seth's Helmet

Seth first got his helmet from Cranial Technologies on June 6th to correct his plagiocephaly, for more on that see this post. It took a couple days to get used to but then became as normal to him as his own hair. With help from Sign Studios in San Diego, we decorated it with a race car theme.

On August 28th Seth got his second helmet. It was a hard week because we had a heat wave and he had acclimatized to not wearing one while the new helmet was being made. He eventually got used to this one and by the end, was ultra sensitive when we would take it off. We went back to Sign Studios and decorated this second helmet with a dump truck and the label "under construction." Everyone agreed that the second helmet suited him better.

On December 6, after 6 months of being a helmet head, Seth got his helmet off for good. We are SO pleased with the results and don't regret our decision to get the helmets. Seth would have been our cute little guy no matter what, but who would complain about a more symmetrical head shape?

Here are the before and after pictures to give an idea of just how much change has taken place in the past 6 months.
** Sadly, Seth's hair was bunched up on top under the sock but I think you can tell what is hair...

** The point on top is his hair :( I wish they had been able to retake them but we didn't realize until too late.

Cranial Technologies creates a mold of your baby's head so that you can compare the changes weakly. They give you the head molds when your treatment is done... We enjoyed getting lots of pictures with them but since they are extremely heavy and cumbersome and not the kind of decorations I like in my house, we did throw them away after that. The helmets are, however on Seth's bookshelf :)

As you can see, Seth looks MUCH more symmetrical :)


I couldn't do a post without a shout out to Seth's 11 month milestone. He is the best kid in the universe. His laugh has everyone in stitches and he is so loving. He is walking around and says ball, mama and dada (sort of). He loves carrying things around in his hands, eating blueberries and black beans and gives kisses on demand. He is always getting into trouble and tries to climb everything. We love our little guy and can't believe how fast this year is going.

Santa's Village by the Sea

Getting in the Mood

Friday we had Brandon's work holiday party. My friend, Madi, glammed me up and I LOVED my hair. It was fun to get all dressed up and go out to a nice dinner and dancing (or should I say, watching other people dance..) We got pictures taken there but don't have them yet. Madi got some with her phone of my hair and make-up which I was the best part anyway. I got to wear the dress my mom made me over the summer and got several compliments on it, she will be SO happy.

 Yesterday we went to our community holiday celebration event called Santa's Village by the Sea. It is so much fun, they make snow on the hill outside the library and let the kids sled down ($1 per slide, of course!) They have cookie decorating, popcorn, The Polar Express playing and of course, Santa Clause. I am pretty sure I was the most excited one in our group.

Seth is the kid who will go to anybody happily. I can leave him with a stranger and he will have a great time. Lately, he has been on a "I prefer women" kick but he especially likes elderly men so we were thinking pictures with Santa would be an awesome experience, we would have the baby who didn't cry.... well, thats not quite how it went down.

Here is Seth in line for Santa. As the line moved forward, Seth locked himself in place and would NOT move. He was quite hesitant of the Elf. Once she started talking to him, he walked right over to her.

But as we got close to Santa, he would not move again. He even tried to sit down and grab me.

I figured we would just make it fast and he would be happy. I picked him up and put him on Santa's leg. Didn't work.

We did get one moment of peace as he looked into Santa's face... it didn't last long though.

We ended the night by going to this old mission style beach house that was donated to the community. It is like a mini-museum with pictures of San Clemente through the years and lots of newspaper articles. It has a beautiful view of the ocean and pier and it was all decorated for Christmas. There were also carolers and a bell choir (which was not as good as my mother-in-laws but still fun to listen to). Seth and daddy also got some bonding time while they waited for dinner, their favorite activity together is watching top gear. Seth LOVES cars!

Did you notice what's missing in all these pictures?? Seth graduated from his helmet on December 6. He misses it and I kept having him wear it. Brandon threatened to throw it away if I put it on him again so I put it on his book shelf with the other one where it will stay :(. 

My next post will be the before and after pics of the helmet, I can't wait to show off the changes!

10 months

Ten Months

Seth turned 10 months old a few days ago. He is seriously one amazing kid. He amazes us every day. Seth is still a generally happy kid but has become a little bit more clingy to me and instead of letting everything brush off of him, he now gets upset when things don't go his way. 

Seth took his first steps on November 6th and takes more and more each day. He loves our new after dinner activity where Brandon and I sit across from each other and he walks back and forth between us. This usually involves one of us with a toy on our head because he walks better when he is looking up instead of at the ground. This week he has become more confident and will initiate walking distances which only require 2-3 steps when he doesn't want to let go of his toys.

One of Seth's new favorite activities is to hold onto a somewhat flat object in each hand and push them across the floor. He LOVES quesadillas and tomatoes. He jabbers all day long and LOVES to play with his friends.

Seth has not gained any weight since he was 6 months old but is still our little chub.

We are so blessed to have this baby boy in our lives and love him more and more each day.

We kept hearing small noises every once in a while but Seth's camera wasn't working, when we finally went in this is what we found. This kid is too smart and strong for his own good.

Budgeting...

I have a love hate relationship with budgets. More love than hate. But there is a lot of hate.

I am in charge of buying groceries, little things we need like shampoo and laundry detergent. those things add up. I only buy what I need to make meals and try to save as much as possibly but did not have a specific budget to follow. After reviewing our finances last month, we decided I could do better and set a budget for groceries. Last month was the first month and I blew through my monthly allotment in THREE WEEKS, one of which we were not even home for.... I didn't even buy meat that month. Yikes. We decided it would be a trial month.

Today is November 1 and I have planned meals for the whole month. I have split the money up by weeks so that no matter what, I still have money left for the last week. (I think we had spaghetti twice last week and mac and cheese today, from a box!) I am trying really, really, hard to make this work but healthy eating is more important to me than saving the money so in the end, I may need a bigger grocery budget... Wish me luck.

How do you plan your meals and what healthy meals does your family like that are friendly to a small budget?

Equality revised

Since writing my last post, some friends have kindly opened my eyes to some new aspects of the issue.

Since I've become a stay at home mom, I have started writing about things I feel strongly about. One of my favorite parts of reading and writing posts is that I learn something new every time I get involved. I am a firm believer that a person should be allowed to change. For example, I call myself a reader. I bet my older sister would be surprised to hear that because when she lived at home, I was not a reader. Since she went to college I have become a reader, I read all the time and love it. People change and not only do I think its okay, I think its healthy. I have not changed my mind or opinion on the topic of equality between men and women, however I now realize that the issue goes deeper than just women receiving the priesthood.

In my last post, I encouraged the idea that having and caring for children is the female equivalent to the priesthood. Well, what about those who can't have children or are not married or those who have NO inclination toward children. To them I would like to apologize for my narrow minded words. To them I would like to say that I still firmly believe that the Lord has a plan for them and that by no means does the lack of priesthood take away from their worth. I don't have the answer to what their role is, but I can tell them to look to women in the church such as Barbara Thomson who inspired women all over the world despite her lack of husband, children, or the priesthood and to the video included in my last past by Sheri Dew. 

Another issue brought to my attention is the fact that women are not allowed in the priesthood session of conference, what harm could it do? None. It would not do any harm, however, I still don't think women should be there. Men need women to support them in their priesthood roles but its still their role. I think men being able to gather together and see others who are striving just like them to be the best they can is a beautiful picture. To think that those men can look around and see 21,700 other priesthood holders coming together to be edified, encouraged and instructed. I think women attending the priesthood session, this does not mean watching it or reading it later only attending, would be like our husbands coming to a girls night and lets be honest who really wants that? I know that not everyone would agree, but thats my opinion.

To those who struggle with the quality issues, I am sorry. Your struggle is real and I wish you luck in finding your place. I hope one day you can feel important and needed and I hope I can help you in your struggle by sharing my own testimony that there are MANY things you can do to participate in church. Through teaching, loving, and serving you do more than you can possibly imagine. I also hope that priesthood leaders throughout the church can understand your struggle and make those changes to the culture (not the doctrine) that may make you feel more comfortable.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is true and the Prophet loves each and every person on this Earth and he, through Jesus Christ will listen to your humble prayers to find peace.

"Equality"

Lately there has been so much hype about equality and women's rights. I am a strong believer that women are just as important as men. That women deserve education and rights. I believe that women can do things which men would cower even thinking of, but I also KNOW that there are things men can do that I couldn't  even think of doing! We are different, equal but different. I have never wanted to be a boy. I shrink at the prospect of having the role of a Bishop, I can barely handle my own emotions how could I hope to handle anyone else's? I am a strong independent woman who needs my husband in order to survive. I couldn't do it without him.

I get so sad when I see these women activists trying to get what they think is equality. Some of their ideas are great and I think should be implemented, but those have nothing, I repeat: NOTHING to do with the doctrine of the church. They are things such as more women writers, making a bigger deal about recognizing the young women in excellence award. Those are great ideas, implement them. Write a book. But don't protest in church. Please.

I once heard a quote which I have adopted as our family motto it goes like this: "Fair means everyone gets what he or she needs." Brandon gets 3 pancakes because thats how many he needs to get full. I only get 1. It is not equal but it is fair. The same goes for roles within the church. Brandon gets the priesthood because that is something that our Heavenly father has told us will make him, and other men, better people. They need the priesthood to enrich their souls and better themselves. Women are asked, if possible, to have and raise children. It is what we need to become better and our natures are suited to doing it.

When it comes to many things, my sisters and I are EXTREMELY different but as I get older I have found that when it matters, we have pretty similar views. Luckily for me, my sisters are amazing writers and can put into words what I can only feel. Hopefully she doesn't mind me sharing this  post she wrote about "equality" but It touched my heart and I'm grateful for her example in my life.

"I’m a “bury my head in the sand” type of girl.

If I follow politics/government/global warming, etc – I focus on it and make myself sick with worry and “what ifs”.

I can’t healthily be informed, or I go crazy.

So sometimes, I stay ignorant on purpose. I know the whole world can’t do that, and I’m grateful for the people who get involved and make real changes happen. But I can’t do it and stay sane. I worry myself into despair and illness.

When I was really little, I’d go to bed at night and I would be so afraid. Afraid of the world. Afraid of wars and fights and what the world would be like when I was older. It scared me so much I can still feel the fear I felt then.

I’d come out of bed and beg my parents to let me stay up with them, and they’d get mad and we would have this fight every single night, and I’d end up sleeping on their floor. I slept on their floor a lot. I’m sure they thought I was afraid of monsters and the boogy man and the dark, like most kids.

But I was afraid of the world and of the evil I’d already seen, through real life and movies.

I’ve heard a lot being said about the feminist movement going on the LDS world right now, and was definitely aware of the “wear pants to church” movement that happened in December of last year. I wore my girliest dress instead.

I haven’t done a ton of research into all this, because to be honest it kind of makes me sick and I don’t want to get into the hoopla of it all.

But I read an article today on the feminist movement in the LDS religion – and there are tons of groups out there with agendas ranging from better sex education to young LDS girls (that one I can get on board with) to demanding women get the priesthood and “full equality”.

Trevor and I were talking about this the other day, before the Relief Society General Conference address last week. Wondering if anyone would address all that’s going on with demanding “equality” in the LDS Church.

The whole conference was amazing. And then the President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Thomas S. Monson, got up, and I felt the spirit encompass me in a way I haven’t felt often while simply watching a conference address. Sitting there in my local chapel, I felt overwhelmingly that this was the prophet of God, and that what he was going to tell me was true. He hadn’t even begun speaking yet – it was as soon as he stood, that the spirit touched me.

I talked to a friend about this, and she was actually there in the conference center for the session. She said as soon as President Monson stood up, the whole congregation just went silent and the same spirit flooded them as it did me and all the women gathered there in the small chapel in Cottonwood Heights.

Instead of taking the stance of “reprimanding” or however else the topic could have been addressed, President Monson just told us how amazing we are, as women.  How needed we are, and how much good we do.  The good we do is different in Relief Society as the good men do in Elders Quorum. One isn’t better than the other – just different.

As Trevor and I were talking about this, women wanting the Priesthood and believing that was equality, we jokingly started an argument.

I demanded the priesthood!

He demanded to have a baby (as in, pregnancy, carry, deliver)!

I WANTED THE PRIESTHOOD!

HE WANTS TO HAVE A BABY!!!

We both yelled what we wanted and “argued” and laughed.

I don’t really want the priesthood.

He doesn’t really want to have a baby.

His role is to be the priesthood holder in our home.

My role is to conceive, carry and give birth to babies.

Neither one of these is better than the other. They are both important. They will demand different actions and priorities from us. We will both do much good in our families and in the world.

He can’t fulfill his role without me, I can’t without him.

We’re equal. We are different, but equal.

When I was about 8, the then Prophet, Gordon B. Hinckley and his wife, Marjory Hinckley came to speak to us at a huge conference in Alaska. I can vividly remember every detail – from the hundreds of people driving from all over the state and sleeping in the members’ in Anchorage’s homes, to the huge building we all gathered in to hear the Lord’s messenger speak.

I can remember sitting there in the huge congregation, higher up in the level seating. Afterwards as we were exiting, I shook the Prophet’s hand.  And his wife, one of the most amazing women of all time, told me that she’d been watching me, and I was one of the best behaved little girls she’d ever seen. Out of all the hundreds (or even thousands) of little girls there, she noticed me. I wasn’t even sitting close to the stage.

The other thing that I remember from that conference is what my father told me President Hinckley said in the adult session of the conference. I’m not sure why of all the things growing up, this one comment my father told me has never left me, but it hasn't.

President Hinckley told the group that in the last days, one of the biggest issues in the LDS church would be women demanding the priesthood.

He said that almost 20 years ago.

 And here I am, 20 years later, with friends wearing pants to church to make a statement about “equality”.

God made us different. He made our roles different.

I can’t wait to be a mother – Trevor is an amazing priesthood holder.

I don’t want the priesthood and he doesn’t want to have a baby. But I get to sustain and support Trevor as he uses his priesthood righteously, and he gets to be the father of the children I bare. Together, we have the whole package and the power to create life, to be an eternal family. Apart – neither of our gifts can fulfill their true potential.

Love,

 Brittney"

And here is a video I came across by our beloved Sheri Dew entitled "What do LDS women get?"