Eight months ago, I gave birth to the sweetest and happiest
little boy the world has ever known. If you don't believe me, ask anyone who
knows him. Nobody I know has ever seen a happier or more pleasant baby and I am
truly grateful for his personality. I love the way he smiles to everyone, the
way he laughs and looks around as if he just can't take the world in fast
enough. I love being home with him, teaching him, loving him and I would not
give that up for anything. Not only have I been blessed by the opportunity of
caring for this little man, being home alone with him every day has brought out
a side of me I have never known before and after months of thinking,
contemplating, and experimenting I just NEED to write all my thoughts down.
Lately, the topic of extroversion vs. introversion has been a hot topic.
being someone who, I feel, has a baffling and deep personality I have followed
this topic with great interest trying to figure out what I am. Well, I have
reached the conclusion that I am neither.
I always thought I was the
introvert because although I am not shy, the idea of going to a party with
dancing, loud music, and lots of people made me sick. After a lot of social
interaction I really need to be alone with a good book or my thoughts. But on
the other hand, being home the past 8 months with nobody to converse with has
made my brain feel numb. Too much star trek than is good for me and a lack of
structure makes me feel useless. Don't get me wrong, the raising my son part is
very fulfilling but I am talking about the time when he is napping and I am on
the couch reading, watching a show, or thinking. Being the "intrapersonal"
person that I am, I quickly thought through everything I was feeling and made a
plan for myself. I started making friends with my friends.
Okay, I know what you're
thinking; "She's crazy!" Well let me explain, I have lived in the
same town for over 2 years and have made a lot of friends. Friends I really
like, friends I would say hi to at church, friends I would invite over for an
evening once every few months. In my need for more social interaction, I
started calling these friends to run with me and when I say run I mean walk and
talk of course. I have gone to their homes for half an hour just to visit. And
I have made an effort to get to know them on a more personal level. This is
something I have never done before. In the past two or three years I have become a confidant adult with a
generally positive self image. I love my life, my husband and my son. I am
happy. But getting here was a process of self discovery and learning. Of coming to love who I am and becoming comfortable with myself. It was not until I gave up the pretense of who I thought I needed to be and embraced who I WANTED to be that I was truly happy.
All my realizations and experiments
to figure out what I need (God, family, friends and structure) and how to get
them were great because now I am a satisfied young adult who finds joy in
living, hard work, and improving myself (which let me tell you is a daily
struggle, what? the sink is full of dishes AGAIN?) are great but then my teenage sister
came to stay with me and I realized something more about myself. I was never as
adjusted as I thought. I got through middle school and subsequent years with
ups and downs, I had sad days and days when I felt lonely and like I didn't
have friends. (Friends meaning a lot of friends because I did have a few who never left me doubting!!) Looking back I remember those days. I remember being very sad at
times, they would pass and things got better because someone had a girls night
and I got invited but the issue was still there lurking under the surface. I
felt inadequate. I felt like I didn't have friends, even though people liked
me. I was the person everybody liked, but nobody remembered to invite. I was the main
characters best friend because in the world of adolescence there is a queen bee (magnet) and her followers but little room for both feeling accepted and having individuality. (obviously a generalization, but i think accurate for many young people).
So I thought about this new
issue, this issue of teenage girls (and possibly boys but I won't even pretend
to understand them) feeling alone, feeling like they can't walk into a room and
be who they are without judgment being passed. It's sad and I thought, who
cares if they are an introvert or an extrovert. WHO CARES?? It doesn't matter
which personality type you fit into most, however, it does matter that you are
happy with who and what you are. That you can feel important and worthwhile no
matter where in the social structure you fit. It also matters that you can let others do the same without the need to judge them. So I came up with two types of
people and I hope you'll agree they are more important to discuss than your
personality type.
There are the magnets and then
there is everybody else. The magnets make up the smallest group of people each
magnet is different from another. Everybody else is the majority of people and
they too come in all shapes and sizes.
If you went outside for recess,
lunch break anything like that and didn't want to choose a spot because you
knew when everyone else came out you would probably be left alone or have to
get up and move to where they all flocked, your everybody else. If you have
friends but are never the center of attention, your everybody else. But say
your that person who can arrive last, pick an empty shady spot under a tree and
suddenly be surrounded by other people, you're a magnet. If you go to a party,
everyone else will also, you're a magnet. This isn't to say magnets necessarily
WANT to be a magnet or thrive on being such, only that they are. They attract
people to them and people want to be their friend. They don't seem to even have to try.
I am not a magnet and neither is
my little sister who spurred all this thought in the first place. My sister is
well liked, she is gorgeous, she has the most hilarious personality, she is
smart, and she is fun but she is not a magnet. It took me 24 years to put a name to what I am not and be okay with
it. I am not a magnet, and that's okay. I believe a lot of people think that
just because others don't flock to them or always think of them first that they
are not really liked when in fact, MOST of us don't have a following and those who do, may still have those same feeling. There are
few magnets in the world yet all us other folk see them and think "I must
not be liked because I am not a magnet" and we would be wrong. You can be
"everybody else" and still be liked and accepted. In fact, the more I
think about it the more I am glad that I am NOT a magnet. I am sure it comes
with its own down sides one of which being that you can't find a quiet shady
spot to sit alone because you are never left alone. I wish I could help
everybody else come to realize their own merits. Come to understand that they
are beautiful, talented, worthwhile daughters and sons of God and learn to join in and make
friends. Call someone to come over because you like them and want to be
friends. Most of us won't be able to sit in our rooms with our phones
constantly buzzing with invitations, funny stories, and friendly messages, most
of us are not magnets.
  |
| Friends |
Siblings= friendsX1,000,000
I
don't have to be friendless simply because I am not a magnet. Somebody has to
make the effort and if having friends is worth it, you might just have to be the one to start it. True friendships, just like any relationship, take work but YOU are
in control. I wrote this in the hope that someone can be inspired to take
control of their own happiness instead of waiting to turn into a magnets. Think
about when you are happiest and then create those situations. Be comfortable with
yourself and choose friends who allow you to be just you. Instead of worrying so much about whether you are an introvert or extrovert or how to handle the other, just be friendly and kind to everyone. Encourage friendships with those you enjoy being with and be comfortable with yourself. This is the future confidence I want for my sister and my son.
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