I was reading an article written by a mom who had a wonderful conversation with her son about bullying. In the comments after her post (which I have lately taken to reading as to not make up my mind one way or another too quickly) a lady named Lydia called her out and said that she was causing her son to become week and reliant on her by stepping in. That her son would never learn to stand up for himself or be accountable or able to be independent. This is something I struggle with, when do I step in? Seth has not been bullied yet, at least not intentionally, (you know how babies are) but the day will come. I was bullied, you were bullied, we have all been bullied at least once. Luckily for me, I was completely clueless to my awkwardness until 8th grade when a kid I had never talked to walked over to my desk, knocked all my neat piles of books, pencils, papers... on the floor and went back to his desk. Was it a dare? Was he just having a bad day? Did I look at him wrong? I'll never know, but I still feel sad when I remember this incident. Further down in the comments I read this response to Lydia that I loved. It speaks for itself so I'll just quote her and be done.
"I see your point a little, Lydia And I AM a parenting expert PhD
and all. It is what I do for a living. But I also see the point foe
the author more. Yes, we do need to let/teach our kids to problem solve
for themselves. But our kids also need to feel like we are there to
help when things get too big for them. And things do get too big for
them to handle sometimes.
I think it takes a village and kids need to know that they are
accountable and people are watching their behavior. My daughter was
being bullied in kindergarten and even got a bloody nose from the girl.
I taught her a plethora of strategies to employ. Some worked and some
did not. And some were just too hard for her to enact in the moment
(she was 5). So, one day I went to have lunch with hr at school. I
looked the little bully right in the eye and asked “is everyone being
nice to everyone on the playground?” She could not meet my gaze. I
said, I sure hope so. Guess what. That did it. We have spent 2 years
teaching our sweet, pure-hearted and trusting daughter how to handle
bullies but sometimes the bullies are tougher, meaner and more
manipulative and our kids will feel abandoned if we don’t then step in.
SO it is a balance of not rescuing them constantly. One author says we
rescue our kids as though they are drowning in ankle deep water. That
is a mistake for sure. But we need to throw them a lifeline when they
are in over their heads." -Kim
"I see your point a little, Lydia And I AM a parenting expert PhD and all. It is what I do for a living. But I also see the point foe the author more. Yes, we do need to let/teach our kids to problem solve for themselves. But our kids also need to feel like we are there to help when things get too big for them. And things do get too big for them to handle sometimes.
I think it takes a village and kids need to know that they are accountable and people are watching their behavior. My daughter was being bullied in kindergarten and even got a bloody nose from the girl. I taught her a plethora of strategies to employ. Some worked and some did not. And some were just too hard for her to enact in the moment (she was 5). So, one day I went to have lunch with hr at school. I looked the little bully right in the eye and asked “is everyone being nice to everyone on the playground?” She could not meet my gaze. I said, I sure hope so. Guess what. That did it. We have spent 2 years teaching our sweet, pure-hearted and trusting daughter how to handle bullies but sometimes the bullies are tougher, meaner and more manipulative and our kids will feel abandoned if we don’t then step in. SO it is a balance of not rescuing them constantly. One author says we rescue our kids as though they are drowning in ankle deep water. That is a mistake for sure. But we need to throw them a lifeline when they are in over their heads." -Kim